I would like to repost this blogpost from The Wandering Emo. Blog post na hindi na mababasa sa blog nya kasi deleted na ito, pero as a follo...
"Bigyan nyo na ako ng apo..."
I stared at my mom's face. I know she was kidding, but I could see the pain in her eyes. The results confirmed the thing we were so afraid of - my mom has adenocarcinoma, stage 4.
As the only son, I have always been in charge of major household decisions. But this time, I sincerely told my Ate to take the lead. "Ikaw ang panganay, sa'yo kami makikinig. Saka dapat sabihin na naten kay Papa". She thinks of starting the entire process all over again - from X-ray to basic consultations.
"We were given this diagnosis because Mama's doctor told us to do this and do that. Maybe we should seek for the opinion of another expert!", Ate told me.
My stand is to have mom see an Oncologist, hoping that the results were inaccurate.
As the discussions progressed, something was bothering me aside from the probability of losing my mom soon...
... Is this the right time to tell her about the real me?
Na baka hindi ko sya mabigyan ng apo...
Gusto kong umiyak pero hindi pwede. They need someone strong enough to lean on to.
Gusto kong magmura pero hindi ko magawa. Gusto kong magsisigaw kasi nafufrustrate ako na hindi ganun kalaki ang sweldo ko para madala si mama sa mas malaking ospital at matutukan ng mas magagaling na doktor.
Gusto kong mamatay sa sakit kasi baka di ko matupad yung kaisa-isang hiling nya after she knew of her condition.
I guess I badly need a hug. Just a hug, baka sakaling mawala ang sakit...
I was so touched when he wrote this, malamang marami tayo dito naantig sa istorya nya at di maiwasan ang pagpatak ng luha. Dito sa post na ito ako napaluha. Ni hindi rin alam ng nanay ko kung ano talaga ako. Kayo din ba ganun? You may post your comment kung ano ang masasabi mo. Ano ang reaction mo dito?
hayss ako din po were the same situation..hard to tell her but i really dont want to know her...:-((
ReplyDeletenakakaiyak naman, sad for him. pareho lang din tayo ng problem.
ReplyDeleteI think alam na ng mother mo situation mo. Iniintay lng nyang sabihin mo.
ReplyDeleteGaya ng movie na napanood ko.
Anak: Mom, I'm Gay.
Mom: Alam ko.
Anak: Pano mo po nalaman?
Mom: Kasi anak kita, nararamdaman ko lahat ng nararamdamam mo. Iniintay lang kitang magsabi.
wow,.. nice yung comment ni anonymous oh,...
ReplyDeletei think i heard that line...i forgot which movie
ReplyDeletei lost my nanay years ago.. and i know kahit hindi ko nasabi kung ano talaga ako, i know alam na nya ang lahat.. im the only boy in the family and till now i have to hide evrything..
ReplyDeleteAkala ko ako lang ang may ganitong problema.tinatago ko rin sa family ko.wala na akong papa since maliit pa ako kasi namatay na kaya hindi ko maiwasang maghanap ng fatherly love.yong feeling na gusto mong malaman kung anong pakiramdam ang may ama.pero diba sabi nila mas malakas ang pakiramdam ng mga ina so siguro may idea na rin siya tungkol sa akin kaso ayaw niya akong pangunahan kumbaga naghihintay lang.hindi lang isa kundi maraming beses na din na napag isipan kong magpakamatay kasi ang hirap ng wala kang masasabihan ng problema.ni sa pamilya at barkada mo hindi mo pwedeng sabihin kasi baka malaman nila.
ReplyDeleteThis s vry sad coz i can relate to this. Although my family s stil intact, d fact that i am hiding d truth about me frm them s d heaviest and painful thing i feel. As d only son of d 3 sibliNGS, palagay ko alam cguro ng nanay ko ksi kahit mga str8 guys brkada ko, i never had a grlfrend. Kahit buong case pa ng beer ang lalaklakin ko kasama brkada ko, palagay ko me kutob na cya kung anu ako.
ReplyDeleteAno contact details mo?
Deletesame situation but i had a gf before for almost 5 years which iv also hide my real me to my gf her family and sadly to my family too.... now im getting older and im afraid i cant find a girl which will gave my parents the same surname we were using, since all of my sister are already married also my brother but sadly until now he cant gave our parent what they need "apo"... so since my brother cant the attention is into me now i have to gave them "apo" with our surname.... but sadly i just discover myself that may feminine side is much more than my masculine side.... i feel very sorry for my self.... and still wondering why i became like this!!! its not even my choice but it is happening....
ReplyDeleteGnun dn ako,alam ko na alam ng nanay ko kng anu ako.kso ang problema ko ang ataty ko,kc hanggang ngaun sa edad kong 40 anyos hnhangad p rn nyang magkaapo s kin.eh ppanu,dko massabi s knya na gnito ako!ang hirap eh
ReplyDelete